Days like this.

Well it was a rough day yesterday. i just had a string of problems and issues that where out of my control and i know now one more reason for missing my sweetheart.

i could have used your company yesterday and just being able to talk to you would have been nice. It seems that my luck just keeps getting worse and worse. i cant even drive my car with out the universe hit my with bad luck. my car tire blow out going down the road, and some how caused the air bags to deploy. The claim and repair status i uncertain at this point. just felt even worse that you were not here for me to talk about it and for you to cheer me up.......

then i tried to mow the lawn and the lawn mower belt will not stay on the mower deck so ill have to push mow the lawn and try to fix the lawn mower another day...

well that enough of my whining for today.

Random Thoughts

I have tried to write how am feel since i lost my heart, my drive, my spirit. Now a days i do thing to try and get moving so i do not break down and cry and thing how much i hate myself right now. since my girl left me i have wrote random thoughts down o pieces of paper ill try to get them in some what of a order or try to make them make sense but there is no guaranty that will be the case.

You where my strength, an i took our love for granted, and i never took advantage of you spirit of exploration.

I now struggle for the words to say when we talk, i try so hard not to bring up my feelings to you any more since it only seems to piss you of and drive you future away from me.... Right now you truly are my Best friend and i know in time that will change since we do not share a life together anymore. I can only hope that you find the happiness that you are looking for and i support you and wish you luck...

I can not sleep throw must nights as i wake up sad from the dreams that i have of together. i dream that you surprise me at my door step. i dream of us at on dates, i dream of the past when we did things and went places, the happy times in the last three years...... the sadists dream to date was the other night when i dreamed that i was watching you play soccer and you had a new man in your life.......

its almost to the point that i might have to have you leave my life for ever since i feel that even seeing you will cause me more pain then i could handle, since i know when we do see each other am going to want to hold you in my arms, and kiss you and your not going to let me...

i know you have told me to let go of you and that it is over an its past the time for reconciliation. I only know what is in my heart i feel that you gave up on us long ago and never Really given me that chance to give you the date you wanted. on June 23.....

its been a month since i have seen you and i know your starting to move on with you life and i feel that you telling me the things you are doing just make me want to be beside you and love you even more since that what we use to do all the time, which causing more pain to my already hurting heart of mine.

the lost girl -------- truely lost

Well its been over three years since i had to post a blog writing on here..... the even sadder part about the whole thing is that the last two blogs where about me have to decide to go after a girl that had fallen in love with and she only wanted to be good friend, i had made up my mind to just have some fun and live life to its full potential and see what happen.

will things turned out well for almost three years. we end up started dating and i have had some of the best times over the past three years of my 29 year life. But sadly i have screwed it up and end up alone with out her and may have lost her friendship.

She said that she has lived with out me for the last year, due to use having to live two hours apart and only seeing each other two to three days a week. Which lead to her not having the desire or looking at me romantically anymore, and end up with a great Boy--- Friend .

So for now i have to just deal with my life and hope that if it was ever mint to be then she will come back to me.... but as we have talk over the last few weeks i think that she true is going to move on with out me and try to find happiness with out me in her life.

i have come to realize that if i true love her, and i want her to be happy. I can only hope that she is true happy in her new direction and find what she is look for in her new adventures in life to be happy.