The candle flickers

As I look forward to trying to find a place to hind in the darkness that my heart has become I get a small flicker on light from a candle, I you sent me a message via text. 

I found a photo today from spring of 2001, I'll plan to copy it an send it to you in a card...  I only wish that you find what you seek, so we can true begin our lives together an start enjoying each other embrace once again. 

Dealing, find away

Captins log; 

It's been close to 72 hours, an I have not heard your voice. I think if you often, and wonder when I'll here that pretty voice that makes my heart skip.  My heart feels great pain and I suffer deeply to have you back by my side, the beautiful smile, your kind heart, your encouraging wisdom, and most importantly you. I know we will always be friend but I fear so much since being able to share your happiness. 

There are several songs I heard today that made me wish I could pick up the phone an call your, but to honor your wish I did not. 

We both are on different paths but share the same love for each other. I know you need God's will to be ok with us as one, I just hope that you find your peace. While I try to understand your path I carve I deep wound in my heart that I feel will only be filled with your love... 

Tell next time I'll keep reading and praying for you. 

Set my eyes on the future, going to bring great change

As i started the night out, i was in great pain and sorrow, to the point i was tormenting myself. There where lots of things i could have done tonight but in the end i just relaxed and listened to music. I have come a long way over the years in dealing with this thing that keep causing me all this pain to the heart. One day am my learn, but its hard to just up and walk away when you love someone so much...

i had joy and peace in my life an i thought this time was going to put a end to all the time and pain that i had dealt with so many times before. but i was sadly mistaken once again and i still hold on to hope. As i read over some of the old blogs that where from so long ago i realized this is deep then even i know.

i have chosen a path and today just help me realized that i still have so much to work on, but i know that God will help me and show me the way.  its going to take time to build this new me and help me keep going in the right direction. I made the choose and at this time am not going to look back.

the play list is as follows: these are in no order, there just ones that help me think tonight. an had lyrics that spoke to me.

switchfoot - this is your life.
starset - my demons
five finger death punch - the tragic truth
enrique iglesias - addicted
downplay - the one who laughs last. 
hillsong united - oceans
newsboys - believe
for king and county - fix My eyes